Blog

My New Cat

I’m half machine. I’m a monster. Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” There’s only one man I’ve ever called a...

/ June 27, 2017

Holidays

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches...

/ June 27, 2017

My wedding

It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife...

/ June 27, 2017

It’s time to travel

They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more...

/ June 27, 2017

Coffee Time

I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off...

/ June 27, 2017

My Cat

I’m afraid I just blue myself. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians....

/ June 27, 2017

Lunch menu

As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. No… but I’d like to be asked!...

/ June 27, 2017

Video Post

Michael! That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. No, I did not kill...

/ June 27, 2017

Breakfast Playlist

That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma,...

/ June 27, 2017

My lovely dog

We just call it a sausage. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank...

/ June 27, 2017